Jocelyn Robert, sexologist and author, explains how to rekindle the flame in your relationship.
Maintaining a desire in the long term isn’t always easy. However, there are some tips to help you maintain it and prevent it from becoming a routine!
Identify the cause of this decline in desire
Novelty fuels desire. Therefore, everyday life can be the cause of its routine. And not without reason: after a few years of living together, when routine sets in and the other person is already familiar, desire can fade. If the couple suffers from this, a solution can be considered. But if the situation is properly addressed, there is no reason to worry: “Contrary to what society tries to convince us, desire is not mandatory!” explains Jocelyn Robert.
Take time for yourself
Reconnecting with desire requires well-being and well-being. The goal is to reconnect with your sensuality by taking time for yourself. How? Soak in a nice hot bath, enjoy a relaxing massage, or simply allow yourself a moment of reflection where you let your imagination run wild. “You need to take time to go through your fantasy box. What turns you on? What images are coming to mind right now? All of these answers can help rekindle desire,” explains Jocelyn Robert.
Spending time together
Time to yourself is essential for rekindling desire. A movie night, a weekend away, dinner at a restaurant… Any occasion is a good excuse to focus on your relationship and forget about everything else for a few hours. “The simple act of going to bed earlier than usual every now and then can allow couples to reconnect. To do this, turn off your phones, put away your computers, and take time to talk or cuddle,” advises Jocelyn Robert. This time spent together allows you to change your daily routine and change your household habits.
Learn to kiss again
Kissing is a sign of erotic exchange. At the beginning of a relationship, we kiss long, often and especially passionately. However, over time, this gesture of love becomes increasingly secretive and mechanical. To get closer to your partner and rekindle the flame, there is nothing better than learning to kiss again in a real way. This good decision also applies to all small expressions of affection, such as caresses or gentle touches.
Let the mystery in
Is mystery a seductive advantage? Yes! Not fully revealing yourself does not mean a lack of authenticity or a lack of clear communication with your partner. Especially since everyone has the right to their own little secret garden! On the contrary, such an attitude arouses curiosity in the other person. “Erotic complementarity is about cultivating our differences, because it is this difference that captivates the other person,” emphasizes Jocelyn Robert.
Create an intimate atmosphere
Candles, soft music, dim lighting, a captivating scent… Some people need a romantic and intimate atmosphere to awaken desire. Why not be bold and not give in to temptation? After all, staging is also part of erotic play! Preparing such a moment for two, putting your whole soul into it and paying attention to detail has several positive effects, as it increases desire and surprises the other person.
Arouse arousal
Our Western societies promote the arts of seduction, conquest, and eroticism. But we don’t learn how to deal with the post-seduction phase. So how can we make the desire last? “Passion never consumes us for long, but the initial confusion gives way to a kind of restraint, a romantic sobriety. To keep it as pleasurable and to keep the desire lasting, you have to earn your partner’s admiration,” says Jocelyn Robert.
Creating a Missing Connection
Creating distance in a relationship can be beneficial because constant personal contact with your partner does not stimulate desire. And for good reason: it is difficult to remain attractive to someone you see every morning when you wake up and every evening when you get home from work. Creating a missing connection can help establish new patterns of behavior, far from the shared household chores that often pollute the life of a couple. It is important to remember that living together is the path to a happier life! This distance can also undermine what we thought we had achieved: we are afraid of losing the other person because they have a life outside the couple, and paradoxically, this… makes them more desirable.
Dare to be a new person
Although talking about sexuality with your partner can be difficult, it can be beneficial. The goal? To share your fantasies and ask each other about theirs. It’s also an opportunity to make new erotic suggestions, diversify the format, and bring something new to our lives.
about relationships. “Elegant lingerie, erotic books, spicy accessories, role-playing games… The possibilities are endless! The main thing is to find something that suits both partners,” concludes Jocelyn Robert.
Thank you to Jocelyn Robert, sexologist and author of “Le sexe en mal d’amour” (Sex in love with love) and “Les femmes vintage: le bonheur d’être soi-même à tout âge” (Vintage women: the joy of being yourself at any age), published by Editions de L’Homme.