One morning, I woke up early, having had a rather bad night, with strange thoughts swirling around in my head. Something was completely wrong with me, and I kept wondering, “What am I missing?” I had a beautiful wife and a wonderful one-year-old daughter. But despite this, something was wrong, and I couldn’t find the energy to do anything.

Two years ago, I divorced my wife, Lyuda. I was 51 then, and I thought our family life had fallen apart. Our family had become boring. My wife was always nagging me, and something was always bothering her. I wouldn’t say I’ve gotten any worse with age, but my wife was going through menopause, which completely changed her. I had a hard time accepting all these changes.

Lyuda constantly complained of headaches, got irritated over trivial things, and fought with me over trivial matters. Our intimate life was fading. I’ve always been a calm person, but everything has its limits. To avoid conflicts with my wife, I started driving taxis more often. There were a lot of orders in the summer, and I earned good money.

One of the bookings involved a 38-year-old woman returning from a club with her friend. They were cheerful and laughing the whole way. We started talking, and I decided to give the girls a free ride so we could have a good time. We exchanged numbers.

That day marked the beginning of a new life for me. I wanted more extreme experiences. I’d been wanting to go on vacation for a long time, but I was too embarrassed to spend the money. Now I decided to treat myself to a trip to the seaside. I suggested it to my wife, but she declined. By then, I was already texting Katya (the woman I’d met in the taxi), and she offered to go with me. I agreed without hesitation. Unfortunately, her trip fell through, and I went alone.

I eagerly awaited my seaside vacation, hoping that my relationship with my wife would improve upon my return. But to my disappointment, everything remained the same. Lyuda was busy with her own affairs and ignored me. Sometimes I felt like a lost child.

I felt something inside me changing. One day, Katya wrote to me and asked to meet her friends at a bar. I agreed. This marked a turning point in my life. We started seeing each other secretly. I didn’t lie to my wife; she didn’t even care where I went or what I did. It was hurtful.

My relationship with Katya developed quickly. The age difference didn’t matter to us, and I didn’t feel older or younger. There was a lot of emotion and joy. Katya liked older men, and I wasn’t surprised that she chose me. I was quite attractive, and Katya and I had a great time together.

After two months of dating Katya, I decided to leave my wife. At the time, I acted on emotion and thoughtlessly. Lyuda reacted very violently, as if she was only just realizing she was losing me.

Katya and I got married, and soon we had a daughter. I became a father for the second time, and I already had a grown son. I achieved what I wanted—our life was full of emotions and experiences.

But despite all the joys of my new life, I noticed I lacked the energy for my family responsibilities. My young daughter required a lot of attention and care, and I was finding it increasingly difficult to cope. My health was deteriorating, and I dreamed of an easy and carefree life, full of joy and happiness. But when I experienced all these emotions, I realized that happiness had actually been in my previous life.

Now I felt tired and unhappy. Life with Katya was demanding, and I couldn’t cope. My ex-wife, Lyuda, suddenly started stalking me, calling and texting me, expressing her feelings. She had changed and become more beautiful in my eyes. Now I looked at her with different feelings. But I had to choose between my family with Katya and returning to Lyuda.

I felt stupid and confused. Life had turned out so well that I’d had a baby with Katya and married her, but deep down I still loved my ex-wife. The answer to the question of what to do seemed incomprehensible.

Every time I visited Lyuda on the weekends, we spent time talking and reminiscing about the past. Her presence evoked a variety of emotions and mixed feelings in me. I knew I didn’t want to lose her, but my fear of commitment and the inability to live two lives held me back.

Right now, I feel torn and unhappy because I can’t choose my true life. My daughter with Katya brings me joy and strength, but my soul is drawn to Lyuda, who has remained in my heart for so many years. Perhaps the answer lies within me, and I need to make a decision without putting it off. Maybe then I’ll find a way to be happy regardless of my circumstances.